Well, I did it… 12 hours later, and I survived! I got to tell you, what an interesting experience that was.
It was as I expected (No, I didn’t find love.. a lot of likes though), but I also discovered a lot of things about the examination of Woman that you wouldn’t realize without doing the speed dating. Also there was some stereotypes broken, and some reinforced.. but to get to what I’m saying, let’s just get into it.
First off, just getting there and scoping the atmosphere was nice. It was a regular bar, with regular people. I go to the host of the evening (Billy) and sign, slap my name tag on my chest and get situated. The room was pretty full already with the men seated at the designated seating for the event, as the women were filing in. As I survey the land from the top of the room like Simba did in the Lion King, I notice something. The men (for the most part) were clearly geeky. Some were socially awkward looking, some outwardly (wearing geek attire) but the women were more… covert. You have to understand, this was Speed Dating but for Geeks, so the guys looked the part. The women on the other hand looked like they were the women who would make FUN of geeks, or not even give them chance if one were to come up to them in a normal setting. This was interesting though because the night would serve as a lesson to not judge a book by its cover, BUT also if the book’s title is as plain as day then that’s probably all what it’s about.
So, the event starts and it’s off to the races. Each woman bringing in their own vibe and walk of life into the convo while I try to fit mine all in the 3 minute limit you have with the person. It’s like trying to fit a cohesive thought in Twitter with the 140 (now 280) character limit. Most interactions went well, none were ever awful but some were… trying. It felt like those 3 minutes were 20. But going back to the covertness, some women who I thought would make fun of geeks, were actually pretty pleasant, and some chicks who I thought for SURE I would like were more vapid than I thought. One thing was for sure, that night, more so then not some people were NOT on the same page as to what a geek actually was.
To me, a geek is who passionate about their pop culture/nerddom. Like Video games, Genre TV Shows (GoT, Any of the marvel / dc shows), not stuff like Law & Order SUV. Pretty much, if you would go to Comic Con, or if your passionate hobby is there, you are more or less a geek.
Comic Explains Difference Between Nerd, Geek, and Dork – http://www.greatwhitesnark.com/2010/05/03/comic-explains-difference-between-nerd-geek-and-dork/
I think anything other than that, that doesn’t get into scholastic stuff, maybe like really passionate about Books, YA stuff, literature, can be a loose term for it. Once you get into the school shit or intelligence based things (like I found out that night) that is when we head into nerd culture (but Nerd as a word can be considered an umbrella housing all geek-related terms under one box). I met chicks who loved Analytical research, economics, astronomy… that is more the nerd side. Which isn’t bad. It’s not to say these women are “less” but we are not on the wavelength other then being passionate about our hobby. It also doesn’t mean that we can’t get along or we automatically don’t match, but it’s just that’s it’s harder to find things in common.
Which was another tidbit about this speed dating thing; that it taught me to swim when I could have sunk. If it were actually a geek speed dating thing, it would be fun, but I wouldn’t be put in a dangerous situation. I would turn up the flair and rock it, but I wouldn’t learn anything if I ever were to try and step up to a “normal” chick. So it was great that some were peppered throughout where I would have to come up with new ways to engage with the subject or just lay on the ground in the fetal position crying for the bell to ring to go to the next person. But yeah… The nerd nomenclature was a shit show to be had. Getting past that though was fine.
The engagements with the women was something else entirely. It’s funny because in any other setting, you would see the woman from top to bottom, assess her body (sorry, men are visual) and see if you would engage or not. But in this situation, you’re forced into interact with ALL the women regardless if you would have ever went up to them, didn’t find them attractive, or too scared to because “they would never like me”. So there’s no time to assess, you just take them (and they you) as they are and you have to win them over (and they you) without “cheating”. Let’s face it, some girls are just hot visually but by the women sitting down, and them just waist up, you really hone in on them and their personality which is a good tactic.
Another thing. Those three minutes are heaven and hell at the same damn time. Of course you can’t get the entire person down in that small span of time, but you get a good feel. I remember circling an entrant on the roster of my pamphlet to click on later for a 2nd date, but when the event was over and we continued to talk 1 on 1, it’s not like she got boring or whatever but it was clear after spending the time allotted you figure out “oh, this isn’t romantic potential, this is more friend potential”.
Also, yes the stereotypes were broken, but some were enforced, like a girl who didn’t look geeky at all but was on the nerd side, talked about how low level drug dealers live with their mothers and she was saying how sad of a situation that is (but not in an “aww, their predicament sucks but more so “ha losers” type way). We ALL know from the podcast that I live with my parents. So I was like “oh please god don’t ask me that I live with my parents”. I guess it’s common nature to assume that if you live in the city there’s no way you live with your parents. I dunno. I felt being prejudged, unbeknownst to her, was not cool even though she was “nice”.
So, yeah all in all it was good.. the matches are supposed to come in the day after (which is right now, while I write this) so I get to see who I match with, and the ones that I don’t. Out of the 20 women that I talked to, they were really 3 that piqued my interest and one of them knows about the podcast! *gasp*
So we’ll see how it goes. Wish me luck! (Listen to episode 87 for a more in depth talk and Jenn’s hilarious input)
24 hours later it hits me and makes me think why I went on my sabbatical in the first place. Not because I didn’t find love (I checked my matches, none) but it’s like damn… I am really “behind”. I have no money, live with my parents, etc. I have all these restrictions and I know some of you will say be like Lenny Kravitz and “Let Love Rule” or some inspirational mumbo jumbo like “Don’t Give Up” by Josh Groban but for me to find someone, it’s with such limiting degrees:
NYC is too far away,
I have no money,
I live with my parents,
But you see, instead of just going out and walking up to a random chick, I need to find one that has all these checkboxes because I have all these limitations.
Yeah yeah, I know you have a solution to those examples already thought up in your head…
“find somebody on your side of the river”
“there are free things to do”
“find someone who lives with theirs too, some might be understanding”
It might seem like I’m blaming them, but I’m not. It sucks that I can’t find someone who can overlook those setbacks because they are missing out on a great guy, but I totally understand their position. They can’t wait for me to “grow up”. I’m a still a good damn catch though. But yeah, being bombarded with 20 women who has “their shit” together, is pretty intimating all because I know I can (and inadvertently was) be judged swiftly and be disregarded like I don’t have more to me then my job. The dating game is rough indeed.