Fall into it…or fall out..?

So I know I haven’t shared in awhile, but to commemorate the beginning of my favorite season I figured I’d just share and maybe get some advice from you!!

Today I felt frustrated cause I learned that I am too loyal.
Is that a thing?
Apparently.

I had a discussion with the bf about friends and relationships. My friends are like my family and I’m always there when they need me, but I’d be lying if I said that I put them before my s/o. This has been me.. always.. and even though once it lead me to regret, (long story) I do it. ie, If the bf gets out of work at 5pm, I see my friends and family all before 4:30pm. It’s just me, and I forget that not everyone has the same heart as me. Also if I have been with you a significant amount of time , I conduct myself as if I was planning on being your life partner. So I don’t do dumb shit like go hang out with a old male friend in the city solo, cause that’s not what wives do. Make sense? At least not in the book I wrote in my head.

The only real example I have are my parents who are best friends and do everything together and my friends who are married with kids and I’ve watched them work for their relationships. So I don’t know if there is an exact rule book , but like they say what’s good for the goose is good for the gander .. something like that right ?

Like why would I follow advice from a single person or someone who has divorces or infidelity under their belt?  Well damn.  People listen to Steve Harvey .. anyhoo.  maybe they have learned from their mistakes .. I digress.

The main point is I am an alpha Italian American female and I come from a long line of strong women who do cater to their men to a degree but take no shit.  So I’m kinda predisposition to not except less than what I feel I deserve.. sounds a bit high maintenance, but I promise I’m not.

It’s also been quite a blah day in my neighborhood cause although I am never really moved by people’s life events on Facebook apparently a combination of aunt Flo’s monthly visit and life evaluation has got me feeling it.

A handful of “somebody’s that I used to know ”  and my friends are now engaged, or pumpkin picking with their kids today , or having a a date night, or at home Depot picking out a new color for their kitchen. I get to see it all in real time , and I watch “B horror movies” with the roomie.  I have never been the person to envy anything that anyone has or does ,but today I’m just feeling it.  I should preface it’s not like my s/o is out doing the unthinkable , he’s actually a super hard worker which I admire him for.

So maybe this is my moment of weakness, maybe the role I think I am supposed to be in is just not ready.  I don’t have the answers. I know we all feel like this time and time again ,it’s just times like this I’d like a crystal ball.

I just want to feel unstuck.

Maybe Pumpkin pie will help.  Pumpkin pie cures everything!! ❤️
– Jenn
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